Commodore Comic: Vandy's Newest Transfer

Recently, South Carolina head coach Steve Spurrier announced that veteran QB Chris Smelley would start against Vanderbilt this Thursday after Tommy Beecher completed almost as many passes to Wolfpack defensive backs as he did to his own wide receivers.

(PARODY) When asked about the possibility of current third-string QB Stephen Garcia hitting the field, Spurrier said “He could, if Chris gets bonked on the head and gets dizzy or something, we’ll let [Garcia] go in.”

This quote has caught Vanderbilt head coach Bobby Johnson’s attention. Johnson has scrapped his meticulously planned defensive scheme and is now focusing on one goal – BONK CHRIS SMELLEY ON THE HEAD AT ANY COST.

To that end, Johnson has recently acquired L. “Bunny” Foofoo, a red-shirt sophomore defensive end from Fake Forest, a JUCO college out of Jellystone, WY. While smaller than most defensive ends at 1’2” and 25 lbs., folks that are familiar with Foofoo are already singing songs about his ability to relentlessly scoop up his opponents and bonk them on the head.

Johnson is excited about his newest prospect. “We know he’s lacking in size, but we think he makes up for it with his speed and his well-documented bonking ability. That should play really well into our new defensive strategy, and we’re excited to see how he does in practice tomorrow and then in the game Thursday night. The only problem we’ve come across so far is finding equipment to fit his, uh, unique build.”

South Carolina has yet to officially comment on the newest Commodore, though there are rumors that they’re looking into bringing in Foofoo’s hated rival D. “Goo” D’Fairee who has been outspoken about wanting to “turn [Foofoo] into a goon” on more than one occasion.

Time will tell if Johnson’s innovative decision will turn out to be a good one, but this writer thinks that the move should improve the Vanderbilt’s chances at a second straight win over the Gamecocks, if only by a hare.